2018

Community of Ministry

There was a time today where the world stood still. I lost a sister in Christ today from a tragic accident.

I was on my way to get coffee with someone when we got the news. People from our BCM came and joined together in prayer.

During the first few prayers, it felt like the world stood still. But also the sense of prayer overwhelmed all of us. Everyone was crying. Everyone joined in the crying movement.

With this sense of community, I’m reminded of the verse Galatians 6:2

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

Bearing each other’s burdens is taking their griefs and becoming your own griefs.

Bearing each other’s burdens is taking their toughest times and becoming your own toughest times.

Bearing each other’s burdens is taking each other’s heartaches and heartbreaks and becoming your own heartaches and heartbreaks.

My friends at the BCM are family. There immediate family is my family. There immediate family’s family is my family.

And families grieve and rejoice together.

And families grow stronger through prayer.

And prayer is the best thing to grow closer, to grow closer with so we can hold each other up when tough times come.

The power of community is powerful. They’re there for you no matter what.

Use it. Don’t take advantage of it.

Love,

Annie

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2018

Really, I Am Fine

As I am reminded of the past year, I have gone through hell and back.

I have seen and felt multiple demons. Come and ask me; I have plenty of stories.

I had a suicidal thought in early January 2017.

I had the epiphany I did not love my ex-boyfriend. I loved the potential of him. I used him as an emotional crutch of what happened to me before I started dating him.

I rededicated my heart and soul to Jesus because I was not fully surrendered to him at all.

I realized that I had to pull away from the stage.

I have been rejected from an internship and was lied to from a previous job.

I admitted that I was a compulsive buyer and having problems with money.

I was not living my best life.

My Life Now:

I am comfortable with slapping a demon in the face because God has given me the courage to do so.

I did go back to therapy for a lot of reasons but especially for the thought. I honestly admitted it to myself a few months later since I was trying to justify it.

I have learned that my shoulder to cry on is Jesus because he is my boyfriend and best friend for eternity. My value, beauty, and potential are found in Him instead of a high school-college kind of love.

With my rededication, my obedience has become stronger. Every obedient step has become scarier but so worth it in the end.

With Lord Jesus telling me to do so, He said that I can’t sing on stage for 5 years. 

I am over the lies and rejection from those positions.

I am reading a Christian book that is helping me my money/finances to better myself for the future. 

Update on my romantic relationship with Jesus:

I’ve been dating Jesus for 7 months. I have been falling more in love with Him each and every single day. I am now on a date with him at McDonald’s because he wanted me all to himself since I was on a retreat. He actually told me to scoot over so He could sit beside me to write this blog.

This retreat I went to help me cope with the 5-year retirement (if you want to call that) from the stage. Of course, I cried multiple times there but he kept reminding me that HE IS STILL GOOD, GOOD for eternity.

Even if He is a God that takes things away, He is STILL good. He knows the reasons why I can not do the stage anymore. Starting on February 12, 2018, there will be no stage for me until February 12, 2023.

I’m still coping; I am fine. I REALLY am fine.

“The Lord is my strength and my song, and He has become my salvation.” Exodus 15:2

Peace and Blessings,

Love,

Annie

2017

Treasures For The Holiday Season

As a college student, we get so caught up in the business of homework and studying for tests. As a Christian college student, we get caught up in the college stuff too but also the world. I know it sounds cliche but we take for granted the moments for the thanksgiving around us; Not just for the holiday of Thanksgiving, but giving thanks to those who have taught us the necessities of life. Even today, I was busy cooking for my PEP students and I wasn’t realizing who taught me in how to cook. I had not really thought of how thankful I am for my mom teaching me how to cook. Without her willing to teach me, I don’t know how I would survive going through life and just simply eating at home. I thanked my mother as I was cleaning dishes since I take it for granted every day.

Later on, one of my roommates comes back to the house with a CHRISTMAS TREE!! It’s a big deal at my house from where I go to college because one of other roommates does not simply celebrate Christmas after Thanksgiving at all. She despises looking at the tree and absolutely hates hearing Christmas songs.

As she was going off on my other housemate, I started thinking she should be grateful because some adult or even a kid somewhere would give anything to see a Christmas tree if it was fake or not. That person would be so in love of how every light and ornament is strategically placed on the tree. I’m not even joking when I have tears in my eyes thinking how a kid is crying or just so stinkin sad that they wouldn’t be able to see a Christmas tree or even buy one. It simply breaks my heart.


Yes, it’s the season of Thanksgiving. But we should always be thankful for what we have.

Christmas is a time for hope and love. For me, that motto is true because the season gave me hope as a young teen when I didn’t see the hope in my life. The season was a way of not feeling depressed or sad all the time. All the flickering lights were numerous points that Jesus was pointing out. This simile goes on to explain that He was the only one that knew that there were going to be numerous rewards and treasures he had laid out for me in the future. As a 22 year old, I have been able to see some of those rewards. The treasures are the ornaments that hang on my life that is promised to me by my personal King. And the star on top of tree, it is the biggest treasure I have way up in the future: heaven.

“Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name!” Psalm 100:4 (ESV)

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21

Love,

Annie

2017

Picture of Intimacy

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For the past few days, really almost a month, I’ve been confused a lot of stuff, especially about my “love life.” I, now, am on a date with Jesus and have come to realize that my love life isn’t something to be confused about. The only thing I should be confused about is where God is going to put me with my extrovert self. There have been a mass amount of things happening to me that my flesh would not do. It is only the power of the Jesus that I am able to meet at least 175 people in 1 week, 1 WEEK!! And I’m a natural introvert by heart.

I’m sitting in a booth at La Cabaña and I’m reminded by Him that I sat in a booth like this a few months ago when I was dating my ex. Christ keeps reminding me the intimacy I still need to have before I am intimate with anyone else, including my potential future boyfriend/husband.

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I am still confused about this thing called a “love life.” There are things that demons still throw at me and distract me from my school work. Even through Jesus moments, I still here Satan in my head feeding me lies that my flesh wants to believe and keep inside my heart. With the Holy Spirit, I have been facing and telling demons to get out of my soul, room, house, the church, and even my friends’ lives. Since I have truly accepted my gift of discernment, I am able to tell off these demons like I have never before. I’m not as fearful and scared like I once was. Ever since I came back from kamp, I have felt like a different person since I was able to accept what I was denying. This has been a path of accepting the parts of intimacy I never knew in my relationship with Jesus.

“And after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper.” 1 Kings 19:12

I love this verse cos of the depth it has when it comes to intimacy. Sometimes, whispering comes of as weird and uncomfortable. But for me it’s gentle. He loves me as His bride that he wants to whisper in my ear and tell me all the love He has for me and the goodness he has for me when I feel His touch. I can be washin dishes in my kitchen and I can feel the loving whisper that goes into my ear and his arms comin around my waste. Right there is my mental picture of intimacy.

Like I have said, my love life has been confusing. Satan has been feeding me lies about a guy that would never like me (in a romantic way). He keeps throwing little things in my way that would lead me to like him and him like me. That would have been the old me. I so thought it was all Jesus saying he’s the one for you, he’s perfect for you. ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Like Jesus said, intimacy is still a problem I have with people. I have to be intimate with Him BEFORE I AM INTIMATE WITH ANYONE ELSE. Keep on praying for me gals.

Love & Best Wishes,

Annie

2017

Bountiful & Beautiful Rewards

Since I have been home, the first few days were rough since I getting adjusted back to the normal. I’m not going to lie that included my quiet personal time with Him. He kept making me feel guilty, and He struck me with a phrase from camp, “You need to be spiritually fed before you are physically fed.” So I pushed myself back in the routine of having my quiet time with Him in the morning and at night. One of the nights, He led me to make a list of the things that I learned from Him and just simply being at camp. These are just a few things I learned over the summer:

Getting over all my hurt

Fully trusting people again

Learning where to go for seminary

Knowing how to face fears when going back home

Being hype is OKAY

Knowing what the Lord and Satan are trying to tell me

Accepting that I do not have to accept flattery from a guy to feel beautiful

Look ahead and the fears I have will be pushed aside

Recently, I had to go to a function that I did not want to go to at all. My flesh wanted to stay at home, but the Lord pushed me to go to this event. I was invited to this event three weeks ago, and I kept pleading with Him that I would rather stay at home and watch Hallmark. I kept bargaining within the three weeks leading up to it, but He kept convincing me I should go because I would learn something out of it. So, I went to this going away party for my ex-boyfriend (sounds crazy, I know) Friday night and still was going back and forth with God why I was there. I was so confused why I was there and Satan, being the cunning guy he is, kept feeding me false thoughts and lies. I was not having any fun, but I kept a facade during this party. Once I left, I still was talking to Jesus about my frustration of why I had to be there. It was not until I was 30 minutes away from my parents’ house he starts telling why.  I was only to date him because God revealed to me through my ex of what my purpose (occupation wise) was here on earth. About 20 minutes later, I look up at the sky and see a face. I still get chills even writing it down. It was the face of Jesus in the sky. What is even crazier: I saw Him walking within the clouds with his radiant white glow. I had to stop in the middle of the road and transfix my eyes on this magnificent sight. I was balling my eyes out, because it was such a supernatural moment. This may all sound so crazy. In that moment, I felt the Holy Spirit whisper to me, “Yes, that is him. You are in the absolute presence of Jesus. I see you stand in awe of your King.” And yes, indeed, I was in complete awe. I kept balling my eyes out because I had never had a moment like it before.  Jesus reminded me in the middle of the night on a country road balling my eyes out was saying I should not have to plead to get out of situations that I can’t control and He does things for a complete sole reason to keep me level headed (being the caring boyfriend he is). Such a weight was lifted off me, I had never felt more beautiful and excited about every day. Life throws us curve balls when we least expect them.

“Be Soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.” – Kurt Vonnegut

Much Love,

Annie

2017

Attacking the Desperate

Satan attacks very easily where God is so, so, so powerful. On July 19 at camp, he attacked every one of us as komos. He did not want us to go anywhere. His playground was the kitchen messing with our minds. One thing was happening after another. But as faithful, dearing coworkers and friends, we stood in a circle and prayed for our sisters in Christ. That was one of the most powerful prayers I’ve heard in a very long time. Four of us, including myself, starting crying because of how the Lord Jesus is so, so sovereign and how His love he has for us is so severely deep.

But the number one thing that is constant on my mind is how cruel Satan is when we are the most desperate for God. In the past (almost) 4 months, the Lord has been calling me closer and closer to him. I have shared in a previous blog about intimacy with Him. Jesus and I have had deep conversations, shared food, picked out presents for people, gone grocery shopping, and made life decisions together. But Satan keeps throwing things in my face about my past in my face. Mainly, it has been about my previous relationship. I don’t know why it has come up in my mind, but all I know is I do not like it all. I have other things to worry about. I’m past everything that I’ve dealt with in the past year and a half.

The reason why I share this and other things about my life is to say that it relieves stress for me. The verse I share in my sidebar has been a rock for me since it is the foundation of knowing I do not have to be okay. I do not have to have it all together every single moment of the day. I do not have to put a façade like I did in high school. This is the real me. Writing about what is on my heart has been hard but has been so worth it.

Love,

Annie

2017

The Sound of Surviving 

Last Saturday, Jesus continued the date into do laundry, going to Steak ‘N’ Shake, and Sonic. While on the way to Steak ‘N’ Shake, Jesus being the encouraging guy he is, He told me to tell my parents about seminary in the middle of the restaurant. I honestly was like, um no, I defs don’t want to do that. But that was my flesh talking. The sound of my spirit was saying yes to the opportunity. Once I ordered my food and drink, I called my mom and caught up on life. I dropped the ball on her about the Lord’s plan for my life. Of course, she did not like how I wasn’t going to get a job after I graduate college and start paying off loans. All I could say was I can apply for this scholarship and that scholarship. I recognized that I was crying of what my mom was telling me.  But the Lord provided scripture for me to tell my mom about the decision He has made for me. 
The Lord has given me revelations about my future up until this point. All I have to do is wait on His timing and survive the 24 hours I have every day. 

This week at camp has been pretty rough on me. I have fallen at least 4 times already, which adds to my bruise collection of 7. I have been iratated at the fact that I can’t seem to get my life together when it comes to just simply walk. Because of that, there were a couple of times my flesh almost came out when I was talking to some kids. I heard that session 7 was going to do some things to people. And it surely did. All of us staff have gotten to the point where we are not just surviving our last days at camp, but also trying to fight off the enemy Satan. The more powerful God is, the more Satan tries to ruin our attitudes, physical health, and our relationship with others. But for us believers, we ought to know that Lord Jesus fights our battles. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. EVERY. SINGLE. MINUTE. We are trying to survive the secular place we live in so we can move on to be with him. I would rather much be with Jesus than be teased by Satan. I would rather be with Him than getting beaten up by a green, slippery floor that Satan tries to throw my way.

I wouldn’t want to have to deal with a mass amount of pain every single day if I fell over and over again. I wouldn’t want to be told lies about how much I was worth to people that cared little for me. The green, slippery floor are the lies I keep falling into that Satan tells me. It’s the fear I keep going back into. 

Yesterday, I got a text from an old friend of mine about a gathering in the next few weeks. God is helping me face my fears and letting me step out of the lies that fill my head. 

The Lord has a sense of humor in the fact that He puts us in situations that eventually make us bettter people. God is good all the time. And all the time, God is good. 


With Love, 

Annie