2020:
HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa
A Big LOL
But you know what, I’ve tried to accomplish those new year’s resolutions I had for myself in the beginning
I’ve tried to get outside my comfort zone and narrow mindset.
I’ve tried to find the joy in the mundane and crappy days.
I’ve tried to end the year with clarity.
I’ve tried to be a good daughter.
I’ve tried to be a good aunt, cousin, and niece.
I’ve tried to be a good friend.
I’ve tried to be a good teacher to my own heart.
I’ve tried to realize my toxic traits and to work through them.
I’ve tried to realize the hurt I have and to really sit in it and to be present with it.
I’ve tried to realize the healing I still need so my hurt doesn’t project onto my future platonic and romantic relationships.
My wound is probably not my fault, but my healing is my responsibility.
And you know what, I won’t try and let myself build so much shame and self-hatred inside myself that I don’t even recognize myself anymore.
I won’t try and let my personality morph into another to “fit in” and not become unique because that is not the way my Heavenly Father made me to be.
I won’t even freaking try to live up to people’s expectations of me. It is not my responsibility to sit on this pedestal that people place in front of me. It’s their fault for putting it there.
I’m not gonna sit on it to please people.
I will try and let myself feel all the feels of anger, frustration, melancholy, uncertainty, or just whatever I’m feeling.
I will let the Holy Spirit teach my heart to listen to it more and lead me to the higher road that is higher than I.
I will let the Lord Father build intimacy and trust with me so I can better the intimacy and trust I have with people.
This intimacy I have with Jesus does not promise that any of my circumstances will change.
Intimacy with Jesus doesn’t promise all my problems are solved without my constant effort.
Intimacy with Jesus doesn’t promise things will be easy.
That’s what makes 2020 unique: I have learned to be more uncomfortable with the uncomfortableness and silence so Jesus and I can build the sexual intimacy in our relationship. I pray that it has been the same for you. I pray for anyone who has had a tough year and that you have deepened your relationship with Jesus.
(Shout Out) Thank the Lord for the program I put myself through: Alive and Free Life Consulting. It’s amazing! I have never felt more free about myself, my story, and for the increased awareness in my emotional health. If you are interested in bettering your emotional health (working through your triggers, breaking up with shame and self-hatred, etc.), I will link their YouTube Channel below.
Love You All,
Sarah
Alive and Free’s YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqOg6gee0HMIYnoC6mXY1gg
Being Annie and Disciple 
What do you mean by “sexual intimacy” with Jesus?
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This is my own definition of sexual intimacy with God:
The picture of the intimate relationship that expresses undeniable joy in seeing each other, the exemplified affection God gives to his bride, the composition of God’s love to his church, and a marriage with steadfast belovedness that is unending.
With Song of Solomon, yes, it shows the love and intimacy between man and woman, but it also is the metaphor between the Lord and a believer/ the Lord with his bride.
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I see where you’re getting the intimacy because we do have that type of close relationship with Christ but I don’t see where the sexual part fits into that? I’m interested to know what scripture you used to base your definition of “sexual intimacy” in. I always thought Sexual intimacy was between humans not with Christ and his followers.
Also, doesn’t Ephesians talk about how the bridegroom of Christ would be the church as a whole and not the individual person?
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The sexual intimacy part is my interpretation of my relationship with Him whether I feel his literal warm presence caressing my face, holding my hand, holding me, etc. that tells me He “has me” physically to comfort me and tell me everything is going to be okay.
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